We are lucky enough to start the year with another blog from our favourite anon blogger!
________________________
A note for 2017 New year, new me? Well I think I’m going to be the same me but hopefully a little more stable, which will make for a great year!
It’s been around 4 months since my diagnosis and yes, they’ve been more than challenging. So much so they tainted my whole 2016, which in hindsight wasn’t too bad a year to start off with; I graduated, started a new job, and also got a tattoo, so hey it wasn’t all that bad, but it’s easy for us to focus on the negatives. Facebook was filled with quotes like “if you want next year to be your year, you are the one in charge of your happiness”, whilst I don’t exactly disagree with this, I didn’t choose that for 2016 (particularly the ending) I would be so mentally unwell; some things we don’t necessarily have control over.
Of course, if I could control it, I would inevitably choose happiness and health. People say don’t let it define you, and I really try not to, but at the same time it’s like a ball and chain that follows you constantly. It just doesn’t give up. One day I’ll be able to have a clean break from that chain but at the moment it’s still suffocating me. When making plans I’m always conscious of how I’m going to be when the time comes to carry out the plans so sometimes it’s easier to just say no to them. Sometimes I’m like a ticking time bomb, always waiting for the moment when it gets too much and I explode. If I could make any resolution become possible this year, it would be to make peace with my disorder and to learn to live with it and live as normal a life as possible. It’s not a new year new me, it’s probably more like the old me, before I got ill.
I’ve taken inspiration from a Pinterest idea, and in my new diary I’m going to write one positive thing per day that I’ve done. Now for me, a positive could be just making it to work on a bad day, or even not cutting. But on a good day the positives could also be plentiful! Here’s to a healthier and more stable 2017. One where hopefully the stigma lessens and people speak out more.