Another amazing blog from our anon Bipolar blogger
Unfortunately with me at the moment, although I’m in a better place, my mental illness is the 3rd wheel, three’s a crowd has never been truer.
I met this guy that for once I’m interested in and he’s interested in me. The first date although nerve wracking went really well and I made an effort with myself which says a lot. It went well enough that two days later I met him again and just enjoyed his company. So we arranged another date for the coming Friday.
He said he’d surprise me, but I found out the surprise before hand because surprises make me nervous. He picked me up from work in his makeshift camper van and we went to grab food and went up the hill to watch the sunset and then snuggle under the stars with a blanket. I felt so comfortable around him and we had a great time. But with all that something was still niggling at me. He’s going to see my scars, he’s going to see me for my illness and not me. He’s going to see the scars and run and that’s without even mentioning the Bipolar Disorder.
Since seeing him Friday the last two days have been very up and down, with my thoughts being a whirlwind. Part of me really wants to see where this could go, but part of me is saying cut my losses now because once he knows it will save me getting hurt before I develop too many feelings for him.
The truth is, it’s not going to go away, unfortunately it’s part of me now, it’s the third wheel I carry with me, sometimes it’s not even visible but sometimes it has taken over my life for a few days, he’d have to take the good with the bad, and hopefully when I live well with bipolar, he could too. I could live my life scared to tell him but all I have to do is educate him and then for both of us it’s less scary. Who knows, he might be fighting a battle too.