A Bipolar Christmas

Following last weeks blog from our anon writer we were sent this beautiful blog about Christmas from them. If writing about how you are feeling helps you please feel free to send them to us we WANT to give you a voice.

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They say it’s the most wonderful time of the year…. well, I know for a fact that yes, it is wonderful, but it’s also a very challenging time of year for many. I’d love to be able to say I can’t wait for Christmas time and actually mean it. I know I’ve had more lows these past few weeks because of it.

I’ve always loved the family aspect of Christmas, and every year we have at least 10 sitting round the table, yet the last few years I’ve felt alone. I’ve never known such an ironic illness; being totally surrounded by people yet feeling totally alone.

The truth is, with my unspecified and, at the moment, unstable bipolar disorder I don’t know how I’m going to behave at Christmas. One minute I can’t wait, it gives me those butterfly excited feelings in my stomach, the next I can’t think of anything worse than putting on a face and being sociable for a whole day and Boxing day too.

People may think I’m being rude or ungrateful when in actual fact I am more than grateful for just having the people I love around me, but tell that to the side of me that doesn’t even want to talk to anyone, or even be awake.

I love playing games, giving and opening presents, and who doesn’t love the dinner?! But sometimes it’s all just a bit much.

What I’m trying to instil in my mind is that it’s ok to not be ok, or to have some time to yourself, and it’s ok to make yourself and your health a priority over this festive season. Rest and recuperation are as important as anything when dealing with a highly emotional time of year!

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